Reminders

This week is a week I'm glad to see the end of. Every day this week has been marked. April now bears an ugly scar for an entire week, right through the middle of the month. Historically, the 14th (Lincoln, the Titanic) and 20th (Hitler's birthday, Columbine) already have negative connotations. The year 2013 just fleshed out the days in between.

Just to recap (for anyone who's been under a rock,) Monday was the Boston Blasts, Tuesday the country let itself slip into a comfortable state of 'slacktivism', Wednesday was the explosion in West, Texas, Thursday was the beginning of the manhunt for the bombers, and Friday was the day they caught the second of the pair. 

I think what makes the West Texas event so profound is that we were slipping into the slumber of slacktivism after Boston. We thought "that's enough crisis for now" and paid our respects and posted our statuses and thought we were done. We thought we could be done. Texas may have been more error than terror, but the losses are more numerous than Boston. But can we really qualify one tragedy against another? Is that more or less fair to the victims of either? God forbid there's anyone who suffered from both, I couldn't even begin to fathom. 

And then, as a reminder that we are truly never done with this, that some people are inherently bad and merciless, the suspects from Boston reared their ugly heads, and MIT was the setting for the violence. The sound of gun shots and more explosions, even a car crash  riddled the air in Cambridge. The whole thing seems like something out of a movie. 

Then the entire city of Boston was put on lockdown. One of the biggest cities in the world, one of the most powerful cities in the country was a ghost town yesterday, residents waiting with bated breath behind locked doors for something to happen. At least they finally caught the second bomber. I know I slept more soundly for it.

Meanwhile, the Texas community is still rebuilding itself in the shadow of the bombings. Remember that?

And to end the week from Hell, my immediate community is torn between two very different reasons to note 4/20. On the one hand, the air above 5280 is a little cloudier today, dense with marijuana. On the other, below the cloud, the memory of some reminds us that today is the fourteenth anniversary of the Columbine shootings. Thanks to the program Rachel's Challenge, 4/20 is a day I remember for starting a chain reaction that has positively affected so many lives, but it's a double edged sword. When this day rolls around Littleton, it still marks a day when hatred reigned. There are some days when sunshine just seems out of place.

I hope that when this week rolls around next year, I heed the advice I'm about to spew.

I think we should look at this week, as it gets buried further and further in history, as a reason to be grateful for what we have. We should look at the positives (the outstanding emergency crews in Boston and West, the noteworthy work of the FBI and BPD, the fact that we, unlike Syria, repay terror with justice, the fact that it's over, to name a few).

We should take this week as a reminder as to why we choose to be good people every day. To my knowledge, you, Reader, are not malicious. You don't carry in your heart a germinating seed of hatred. And even if you do, maybe you choose to deny it nutrient, maybe you choose to replace it with hope, hope that whatever you hate will change, will evolve. I hope it brings you understanding and peace.

We as a race must evolve to survive. I as a person must evolve in that I need to learn to honor and respect the magnitude of things without bearing it on my heart, mind, and shoulders. I need to discover a more productive way to react than sitting at my computer and blogging about it. I need to find something active. Every action is incomplete without its equal and opposite reaction, and I need to find that reaction, because Facebook just doesn't cut it. 

Meanwhile, take a moment today to respect the victims of the Columbine Shooting, privately or publicly. It will always be a big deal. 

April Showers and May Flowers

I think what we need right now is hope. I'm dedicating this post to the lives lost and affected by the tempestuous April, and to the tenacious will we carry as a community. As a believer in the swing of things, I want nothing more than to promise sunshine and springtime as reward for weathering the storm. I can't promise it, but I can encourage anyone to believe it and work for it. It's what we all deserve. 

It's been a hard week in the world, and I know I don't have to say that, because you, Reader, probably feel it. There's nothing I can say that others before haven't said, or even that I haven't said. So here are words of great others before me on which to pin hope for the passing of the storm. 

"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief." - William Shakespeare

Blackbird

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." - Friedrich Nietzsche 

Let It Be

"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats." - Voltaire

Say

And finally, and in my mind, most importantly:

"While there is a chance of the world getting through its troubles, I hold that a reasonable man has to behave as though he were sure of it. If at the end your cheerfulness is not justified, at any rate you will have been cheerful." - H. G. Wells

I'll be posting about my developing thoughts on tragedy, but I'm determined to pace myself when it comes to somber thoughts. 

I Scream

I've learned a hard lesson about dependence again. This one is going to take some serious effort to recover from. The worst part is, I didn't even realize I was abusing it until I couldn't anymore. Nature hosted an intervention and she was ruthless.

I'm lactose intolerant.

This may not seem like that big of a deal, but there are a few key points that need to be acknowledged. 

1) I've never been 'intolerant' or allergic to anything in my life. 

2) 90% of my college diet was based in dairy (cereal, Greek yogurt, lattes, mac n cheese, pizza...)
3) I work at a restaurant where cheese goes on/in EVERYTHING.

4) Ice cream is my coping mechanism.

I may or may not have had a meltdown in the frozen aisle of King Soopers, and the irony is not lost on me.

Apparently, when I had food poisoning a while back, my body took it as a sign to stop making the enzyme lactase, which means I can no longer process lactose. Thanks, biology, for blatantly labeling things.

I am aware that this is not the end of the world, especially with all things considered. But it's an indicator of change, and those can be hard to take. Change is something that I can manage if it occurs over a period of time, but abruptly encountering it is hard. Assimilation and adaptation occur gradually, ask Darwin.

I guess I'm excited to try new things (maybe?) but I have yet to find a suitable substitute for pizza. Vegan cheese is NASTY. I'm okay with almond and soy milks, the ice cream is... adequate, and apparently soy mac n cheese is a thing, so I won't starve.

If anyone knows of any tricks for lactose avoidance, comment below or get a hold of me somehow, it'd be much appreciated.

And one more fun thing! I've revamped the blog a little bit, you can now subscribe by email by entering your address above and can see the most popular posts on the sidebar.

Meanwhile, I'll sit here studying with my Soy Dream vanilla fudge swirl and ruing the day I ate the chicken salad that triggered this whole debacle. 

525,600

To begin, I know this won't accomplish anything but provoking thought. It's a prime example of "slacktivism", but it's what I want to do. Here goes.

Today is the closest I've been connected to an act of terror. My brother, Bostonian and marathon runner, passed by the location of the bombing 60 seconds before it went off, but when he passed, it was just a location, no prepositional phrase.

I've been thinking of how drastically things change in just 60 seconds. Actually, that things can change so drastically in 1. Right up until the instant that it became rubble, that sidewalk was just a sidewalk. And to think my brother was 60 seconds ahead of that instant.

This may be because I just saw Jurassic Park for the first time and idolized Jeff Goldblum, but my mind instantly started creating all the possible scenarios that could have stalled him 60 seconds. He could have stopped to relieve himself, he could have had to tie his shoe, he could have had to stretch out a cramp, he could have had a slower pace because he didn't train that one day when it was raining because the butterfly flapped its wings in Peking.

I was 60 seconds away from possibly losing a brother, and didn't even know it. That minute passed the same for me as any other had, and I had no idea that it was the most important minute of my life so far.

Never again will I take for granted a single minute that I'm not dead or in danger, and neither are the ones I love.

That's a lie, I will. But I'll think about how I took it for granted, and feel insurmountably and simultaneously guilty and grateful for it.

And in case you missed my opinion about tragedy, I'd like to direct you to Super, Heroes, Demise of Humanity, and Beauty and Love in Loss, because it makes me sad to have to repeat these things, and I don't want to. Four is enough, sad blog posts suck.

Waking Up Is Hard To Do

In which I compose a list of scenarios in which getting up sucks, ranked in order from mildly bad to the worst ever, accompanied by a respective list of things I would rather do than have to start the day under that circumstance, which become more drastic as the suckitude of the scenario increases.

1. It still looks like nighttime. 

I absolutely dread waking up when it's still dark enough outside to require headlights. It's the exact opposite of trying to fall asleep on a sunny afternoon on a roller coaster, which makes it equally as difficult. They even have equal and opposite exceptions: excitement-induced adrenaline and horse tranquilizers, respectively.

Exceptions aside, I would rather eat whole grain pancakes, cold and dry, than wake up in the dark.

2. It's much colder than comfort.I really would not have trouble staying out of bed when I turn off the alarm if I woke up to a climate I was comfortable in. I can't fight instinct that early in the morning, and instinct says to establish yourself in a habitat most conducive to your health. AKA not the cold. Cold sucks. Cold is sickness. Cold is like death, especially in the morning. So if I leave the cocoon of my comforter and shiver, I will turn off the alarm and sheath myself again. I'm not always cognizant enough to hit snooze instead of dismiss. Cold is a bad thing.

I would rather mow an entire football field with a rusty, olde tyme mower than wake up in the cold. 

3. After being dehydrated. 
I hope you haven't experienced this, it is not fun. Especially because the next thing you have to do is drink a bunch of water to fix it, which can cause nausea when you combine it with the dizziness of the dehydration. Occasionally it also means you wake up by falling over when you stand up. That's why I have no sharp corners by my bed. Too many close calls to count.

I would rather have to retake my high school swimming class, first hour and everything.

4. Before the dream ends.
Really this is just a frustrating thing. It's like a bookmark falling out, except you only have 5-10 minutes to find your place, but you also have to get back into reading mode and that in and of itself can take a long while.

That was not one of my more brilliant comparisons. I admit that. It's late.

I would rather have to reread the Twilight series than wake up before the dream ends.

5. At the absolute best part of the dream.
I take all the frustration of the previous scenario, and multiply it by 10,000. It's like losing the bookmark because you lost the entire book. At the best part. It's like watching a DVD of a Bourne movie with a massive scratch through the car chase. It's like an alert from the National Weather Service that comes on right at the end of the crime drama so you don't know if they caught the creepy serial killer or not.

I would rather have to read all Twilight fanfic than this.

6. When you absolutely cannot afford to sleep in any longer.
This is never a good thing, because it starts the day by feeling rushed then it kicks your brain into triage/prioritization mode. No one likes to have to decide between hair or makeup or breakfast. Don't even get me started on coffee. There is ALWAYS time for coffee. I can't think of very many things more important in the morning than my coffee.

I would rather be trapped in a room of lactose intolerant fools with nothing to eat but bean and cheese burritos, and no candle. 

7. When you were never really asleep to begin with.
College. Netflix. 'Nuff said.

I would rather do all of the above at once for an entire week straight.