Resolve

2012 being over, the obvious thought process is to reflect upon the year past and ahead to what can be made of 2013. The tradition to make a resolution can often be difficult, there are so many cliches to choose from, so as a conscientious blogger, I want to help you out.

That was a lie, through and through. This is not about me being a conscientious blogger, this is not about me wanting to be helpful. If I did that, the next thing you know I'll be posting about 15 ways to use vinegar as a cleaning agent. Never spend money on commercial cleaning agents again!
I'm also not posting about what my resolutions are. Though I may share a few that I have in mind for myself, that would be reckless and altogether quite boring.

So let's get one thing clear: this is my New Year's Eve wishlist. I am not sending it off to the North Pole, I'm sending it to cyberspace. Now you, my little elves, can either go about checking it off or ignore it entirely at your own discretion. Maybe you put me on the naughty list, I don't know. 

Here's a hint for all my literary minded friends: yes, that cross contamination of holidays was intentional, and very, very important.

Now, to the meat of the article. Onward and upward! Or downward, I guess. This scrolling makes everything a little anticlimactic.

1. Be a more conscientious consumer

No, I don't intend for this to mean "find better bargains". Yes, it is a little self serving to wish for this from a service job. But when you read why I mean what I mean, hopefully you'll feel compelled to comply.

Last night, I had the esteemed pleasure of cleaning IMAX glasses from the receptacle labeled "Please Return 3D Glasses" in big, bold letters. When I picked up the inner bag to bring the glasses back to the cleaning station, it started to drip.

"Wonderful," I thought, "Just perfect." Then I realized it was dripping red, oozing crimson. Goody. Then when I finally opened the bag, I found the cup. It was not one of our lovely movie theatre cups, no. It was from a fast food chain for those who like to eat fresh on an underground train. Specifically Michael Phelps and some guy with over-sized pants.

I understand not wanting to buy from the concessions stand. Prices are steep, I'm not denying that. The people you'd by it from know that. Every time a cashier rings up an eight dollar large popcorn, they are acutely aware that you just spent more in 3 seconds than they make in an hour. Actually, I'm pretty sure the same goes for the small popcorn too, after taxes.

The high price rate, however, does not give you any sympathy when ignoring the rules and signs is your game. It does not give you any rights, any excuses, any leeway, or any strain of understanding. Especially not when you don't even pay the prices, and bring in your own drink, then throw it away half full in an IMAX glasses receptacle. 

What I mean by being a conscientious consumer is to understand what consequences your actions will have within the establishment. Put yourself in the shoes of the people who work there, because most of them make minimum wage. They don't make enough to justify a blatant disregard for common sense (or literacy) on your part.

Every person should have 3 jobs in their lifetime. 
1) Cleaning up after strangers
2) Serving strangers
3) Customer service

Having to clean up after strangers is a branding experience. It makes you aware of how piggish humans can be when they aren't held accountable for their messes. There's a joke to be made about politics and future generations in there, but that's a tangent and I'm resolving to stop doing those. But the point is, cleaning up after people makes you more apt to clean up after yourself, because you don't want to be the person that makes strangers clean up after you. Because you know what it's liked to not be thanked for it.

Serving strangers, having to get them everything they desire, taking nothing but money in return, then having that money taken away to be compiled and distributed out of your sight, it's hard. It is. It takes a special kind of person to be the middle man in the chain of consumerism. They are bossed around by company and customer alike. The more pious human beings know the value of service, but they do it for a higher cause. Doing it for minimum wage is just as humbling (or humiliating) but with less of a reward. 

Customer service is its own breed of service. The difference is that in service, customers usually are more patient, less aggressive, and generally speak in softer tones. In regular service, if the guest is upset, there's usually something in your power that can be done to resolve the situation. If there isn't, you direct them to customer service.

In customer service, what the customer wants is usually something intangible, (and occasionally unintelligible) and it requires a lot of the person behind the counter. The job of customer service is to atone for all the shortcomings of your coworkers, to be the face of blame, to be the scapegoat (which the customer usually sees as the true culprit) and to smile all the same. By being a conscientious consumer, understand that the person behind the counter is making just as little money as the person behind the register. They are reading from a script designed by people they haven't even met, and have only as much power as minimum wage can buy.

Also along this line, be conscientious of your fellow consumers. Don't pay in pennies when there's a long line. Respect the tensa-barriers, even if there's only 3 other people vying for the register. Don't let your kids kick the seat, run wild, scream like crazy, tap the speaker/microphone, dishevel all the displays, and then reward it all with everything they ask for. It breeds poor consumers for the future. 

 
Abridged: Be nice. Be aware. Be sensible.

2. Ask more of yourself than of others

Funny thing about resolutions, they are (usually) made one night a year and forgotten a month later. People shirk the responsibility that they gave themselves. It's okay to get tired. It's okay to need a break. But the thing is, everyone tends to get tired around the same time. When someone shirks responsibility, they cast it off to land on someone else. And that's just inconsiderate and rude to the person it lands on.

I think asking more of yourself is realistically the most logical life plan. If you need something done, do it yourself. If you need something got, get it yourself. If you feel like you need to trust someone, trust yourself. Never allow the burdens you place on others be collectively greater than the load you bear.

I believe in what I call karma, even though I'm pretty sure it's far off from what it's supposed to be. Basically, what I believe is that being a better person today than you were yesterday will reward you tomorrow. People like to fall back on "Karma's a bitch" when really, karma is a great thing. It means you have control of your own situation and life. You set the terms and conditions and life has to pretend to read them and check the little box before continuing.

That being said, living life to the easiest today will only make it harder tomorrow. Always ask more of yourself than others, because if you're not strong enough to support yourself, how could you hope to help others? And if you don't help others, who will be there to help you when your plate gets just a little too full?

Karma, optimist style.

3. Don't wish ill on others

Really, it's is just rude to hope for someone else's worst. In fact, it's a little sadistic to derive pleasure from the misfortune of others. There's a word for that, schadenfreude, and the Germans came up with it. Infer what you will.

I don't know a single person that has the same life story as me. In fact, I know there isn't one. And the same goes for everyone else, too. Sure, the big things might be the same, but sometimes it's the small things that can define a person's attitude. Like that grouchy lady behind you in line while you dig for a quarter in the bottom of your pocket. You could wish for her to have a bad day, but you don't know, she may be having one already, and that's why she's grouchy.

Along the lines of the karma thing, I believe in the momentum of thought. Positive thinking yields positive results, and the converse. Negative thinking will yield negative things, and honestly, is it worth it to have your Jiminy Cricket chastising you for grouchy lady's bad day? For as messed up as Disney's made some of us, they threw in some good lessons here and there. Like "always let your conscience be your guide". At the end of the day, there's always one person you'll be going to bed with, don't give them reason to keep you up all night. 

4. Give the benefit of the doubt

This is something that used to be a given and people wouldn't have to resolve to do this. In those days, movies cost 10 cents and people went to the soda parlor afterwards.

But in all honesty, it's been a trend in my observation that a mistake is much grander than it should be. If I see one more post about there/their/they're with the caption "Im such a grammer nazi, lol," I'll throw my computer. At the risk of doing this myself, don't openly criticize other people. You never know when you'll mess up in the same exact way and seem a hypocrite.

Malapropisms used to pluck such a comedic chord, and now they're apt to incite a full-blown, caps locked BRAWL in the comments section. Really? C'mon. Don't unfriend someone over an apostrophe. As I write this, I have 6 other tabs open, 3 texting conversations in the works, and Spotify playing. If you're the kind of person who can focus on one single task while on the internet, I hope you heed my warning and show mercy.

Footnote: This applies to more than just internet grammar, sorry for the lack of variety in examples.

5. Follow through

This shouldn't really stand on its own, it's more of a .5 than a 5. 

I know I'm not the only one to have made a resolution that I promptly dropped, so this resolution is a win-win for my fellow January-only resolutioneers. This way, if you keep your other resolution, you get to say you did two!

And if you fail to follow through, at least there's the irony to laugh at. Win-win.




I've only ever kept one resolution in my life, and that's because I made it with an end date in mind. My idea is that every day can be like New Years Eve, that you can wake up any day and decide to start living a better life, (toldja the hybrid holiday thing would come up again). And sometimes it doesn't have to be for a whole year, it can just be for a time. I don't know a single wife who's done the pre-wedding diet and work out routine since they said "I do", but they kept it up until then, and that's an accomplishment.

Reader's challenge: Did I post this late to be ironic? Or do I really just need to work on following through? You'll never know.

Actually, I don't think I'll ever know.