Waking Up Is Hard To Do

In which I compose a list of scenarios in which getting up sucks, ranked in order from mildly bad to the worst ever, accompanied by a respective list of things I would rather do than have to start the day under that circumstance, which become more drastic as the suckitude of the scenario increases.

1. It still looks like nighttime. 

I absolutely dread waking up when it's still dark enough outside to require headlights. It's the exact opposite of trying to fall asleep on a sunny afternoon on a roller coaster, which makes it equally as difficult. They even have equal and opposite exceptions: excitement-induced adrenaline and horse tranquilizers, respectively.

Exceptions aside, I would rather eat whole grain pancakes, cold and dry, than wake up in the dark.

2. It's much colder than comfort.I really would not have trouble staying out of bed when I turn off the alarm if I woke up to a climate I was comfortable in. I can't fight instinct that early in the morning, and instinct says to establish yourself in a habitat most conducive to your health. AKA not the cold. Cold sucks. Cold is sickness. Cold is like death, especially in the morning. So if I leave the cocoon of my comforter and shiver, I will turn off the alarm and sheath myself again. I'm not always cognizant enough to hit snooze instead of dismiss. Cold is a bad thing.

I would rather mow an entire football field with a rusty, olde tyme mower than wake up in the cold. 

3. After being dehydrated. 
I hope you haven't experienced this, it is not fun. Especially because the next thing you have to do is drink a bunch of water to fix it, which can cause nausea when you combine it with the dizziness of the dehydration. Occasionally it also means you wake up by falling over when you stand up. That's why I have no sharp corners by my bed. Too many close calls to count.

I would rather have to retake my high school swimming class, first hour and everything.

4. Before the dream ends.
Really this is just a frustrating thing. It's like a bookmark falling out, except you only have 5-10 minutes to find your place, but you also have to get back into reading mode and that in and of itself can take a long while.

That was not one of my more brilliant comparisons. I admit that. It's late.

I would rather have to reread the Twilight series than wake up before the dream ends.

5. At the absolute best part of the dream.
I take all the frustration of the previous scenario, and multiply it by 10,000. It's like losing the bookmark because you lost the entire book. At the best part. It's like watching a DVD of a Bourne movie with a massive scratch through the car chase. It's like an alert from the National Weather Service that comes on right at the end of the crime drama so you don't know if they caught the creepy serial killer or not.

I would rather have to read all Twilight fanfic than this.

6. When you absolutely cannot afford to sleep in any longer.
This is never a good thing, because it starts the day by feeling rushed then it kicks your brain into triage/prioritization mode. No one likes to have to decide between hair or makeup or breakfast. Don't even get me started on coffee. There is ALWAYS time for coffee. I can't think of very many things more important in the morning than my coffee.

I would rather be trapped in a room of lactose intolerant fools with nothing to eat but bean and cheese burritos, and no candle. 

7. When you were never really asleep to begin with.
College. Netflix. 'Nuff said.

I would rather do all of the above at once for an entire week straight.